The most important question really is if your prospect or potential partner has the appropriate heart, mindset and skill-set that it takes to let you live the life you need and want. Of course they should want and love to be with you in the first place.
So how do you know if that person is the "right" one? How would you know if he will indeed become what he wants to become in the future?
So how do you know if that person is the "right" one? How would you know if he will indeed become what he wants to become in the future?
1 Know what life stage you are in (Please read about the different Life stages of Human Development in this blog even if they are still work in progress), then know what life stage your partner is in. Guided by the stages, dream of the world you want to have and focus on the positive things about it.
2 Based on your dream, list and prioritize your Values of choice in life.
3 Based on your chosen Values, develop the necessary skills related to that Value. Develop effective communication/empathy skills—laying on the table all your strengths, dreams and expectations/aspirations /needs early. Pick and plan your journey through the different stages together with your partner. Fill it up with as many activities you like that will let your Values grow in harmony. Modify and improvise along the way. (I have enumerated a few Values and tabulated them with the associated skills in my paper drafts. Those are not posted here yet as I still have to re-list them on the comments sections below each stage being discussed in this blog. Please bear with me)
4 Touch as many other lives as you can in your own ways with the partner you committed to.
Now this may appear boring to some, especially those with the less abstract minds-the visual thinkers. But it may highly appeal to the complex thinkers, social thinkers and organized thinkers. Hopefully I can find a way to make it more interesting by adding pictures.
Tendencies and Attachment styles
People in the crawl stage may have tendencies to become extremely or persistently dependent. Review their profile (Please read about the different Life stages of Human Development in this blog even if they are still work in progress).
People in the walk and run stages may exhibit combinations of being dependent or extremely independent to occasional strong aversion from very dependent types. Review their profiles again if necessary.
People in the fly stage and beyond may also exhibit combinations but usually possess more of interdependent qualities rather than very dependent or very aversive/reclusive profiles. They can work and compensate or carry the baggages of people exhibiting the other two kinds of attachment style.
General Advise from Psychologists
Psychologists may give a general advise for the people who are seeking partners to target the interdependent types. For chances are, these types would adjust to complement the others thereby stabilizing the relationship.
My view on these
Regardless if you already have a partner or you are still seeking for one, you may find it helpful for both parties to know where they are in the stages. They should communicate to understand one another, agree to take a certain path and develop the necessary knowledge and skill to get there. In other words, you can make the relationship work if you put your hearts to it. And enjoying your journey together and with more and more people included in your expanding circle may be more important than any kind of accomplishment or destination. This is not to belittle any genuine attempt at goal setting.
You might want to try to become interdependent yourselves. Care may be taken not dwell too much in being extremely dependent or extremely aversive. Learn to work a harmonious relationship with any type of people you meet.
Now this may appear boring to some, especially those with the less abstract minds-the visual thinkers. But it may highly appeal to the complex thinkers, social thinkers and organized thinkers. Hopefully I can find a way to make it more interesting by adding pictures.
Tendencies and Attachment styles
People in the crawl stage may have tendencies to become extremely or persistently dependent. Review their profile (Please read about the different Life stages of Human Development in this blog even if they are still work in progress).
People in the walk and run stages may exhibit combinations of being dependent or extremely independent to occasional strong aversion from very dependent types. Review their profiles again if necessary.
People in the fly stage and beyond may also exhibit combinations but usually possess more of interdependent qualities rather than very dependent or very aversive/reclusive profiles. They can work and compensate or carry the baggages of people exhibiting the other two kinds of attachment style.
General Advise from Psychologists
Psychologists may give a general advise for the people who are seeking partners to target the interdependent types. For chances are, these types would adjust to complement the others thereby stabilizing the relationship.
My view on these
Regardless if you already have a partner or you are still seeking for one, you may find it helpful for both parties to know where they are in the stages. They should communicate to understand one another, agree to take a certain path and develop the necessary knowledge and skill to get there. In other words, you can make the relationship work if you put your hearts to it. And enjoying your journey together and with more and more people included in your expanding circle may be more important than any kind of accomplishment or destination. This is not to belittle any genuine attempt at goal setting.
You might want to try to become interdependent yourselves. Care may be taken not dwell too much in being extremely dependent or extremely aversive. Learn to work a harmonious relationship with any type of people you meet.
How do you find your future wife or husband? During the court stage, try to ask critical questions that will allow you to see where the person is and where the person is going. Convert into subtle questions as many of the listed ideas under the different stages of human development article I provided. Add your own unique and better questions! We may not be that accurate in gauging people but you will have a very nice working idea compared with an ordinary person who often shoots in the dark.
ReplyDeleteHow do you find a good work partner? Do the same process. Try to ask critical questions that will allow you to see where the person is and where the person is going. Convert into subtle questions as many of the listed ideas under the different stages of human development article I provided. Add your own unique and better questions!
ReplyDeleteIf you have no choice who your work partner would be, then act interdependently. Compensate and complement your work partner and just get the job done in your work. Get a better job done working on yourself to be flexible enough to complement a person. Your sacrifice will soon end. It will make you a better person. It will make your partner emulate you if he is smart enough to know what you are really doing. Even if you do not ask anything for yourself, you are actually giving yourself what no other colleague can give you.
So stop shooting aimlessly in the dark!